I’m not, I’m too, I don’t …
Does it sounds familiar? Well, they are part of the limiting beliefs flock of thoughts …
Did you ever happen to meet people you thought as unbelievably great, and yet you felt they had no idea how amazing they were? Or, never understood why they take crap from other people, why they do not ask for a salary raise, open their own business, or get out of a toxic relationship? Well, one of the main reason for all these has everything to do with the limiting beliefs they hold on to.
I’m not talented enough to succeed in my chosen field.
I’m not cut out for this.
I’m just not good enough to get that job.
I’m too old to pursue my dream of owning my bakey.
I can’t do my job as well as my colleague.
I don’t have enough experience to do it.
I am not ready.
I’m not a leader, I am just a follower.
I don’t deserve such a wife because I treated women badly in the past.
I can’t speak up in public because I’m too shy.
I can’t share with her what I feel, because it makes me look weak.
Given this examples, I believe things look much clear now, right? And I am sure that if you take a piece of paper and take a few moments, you will easily find more such self-damaging things you tell yourself or heard being said to you. These thoughts are not uncommon, most people have them, yet they are not aware.
Such limiting beliefs are deeply ingrained thoughts or convictions that restrict a person’s potential by creating self-imposed barriers. They are rooted in our childhood’s negative experiences, feedback and criticism from parents, teachers, or peers that made us doubt ourselves. Negative experiences or feedback during childhood can shape our beliefs about ourselves and our capabilities. Criticism from parents, teachers, or peers can create self-doubt and limit our potential. Limiting beliefs also come from societal conditioning (e.g. certain expectations and social norms imposed on us), previous personal setbacks or failures, constant comparisons to others, mainly through social media platforms where separating fact from fiction is difficult. Finally, having negative or unsupportive individuals constantly around us can reinforce these limiting beliefs.
These limiting beliefs operate silently in the background at a subconscious level, sabotaging all aspects of our lives and keeping us stuck in an unhealthy way of thinking about us and the world. These beliefs are like the air you breathe; they affect all aspects of your life and well-being. The difference is that this kind of air is toxic, not fresh and healthy.
Limiting beliefs hold us back through self-doubt, feelings of unworthiness, helplessness and hopelessness, and by robbing us of our personal power. For example, they affect our marriage, relationships, professional career, how we raise our children and how we manage our social interactions. They can also lead to self-sabotage, causing you to act in ways that undermine your personal and professional goals.
At a deeper level they go hand with the five major emotional wounds (i.e. Rejection; Abandonment; Humiliation; Betrayal; Injustice), various types of fears (i.e. of not being worthy, of failure, of poverty, of loss of control, of the unknown, of loss of freedom etc), low self-love and self-esteem.
Special note to parents: these limiting beliefs can be unconsciously passed on to your children. I will come back to this topic in another post. I have witnessed it far too often during therapy sessions! Therefore, I believe it is crucial for all parents to understand how they can unwittingly pass on a ‘damaging legacy’ to their children.
As the saying goes, ‘The only thing limiting you is yourself.’ Guess what? It’s true! And, remember the question I asked in the opening of this article. Well, our personal and professional life is shaped or conditioned by these limiting beliefs. Truth to be told, there are other factors too and I shall tackle them one at a time.
Limiting beliefs are powerful, but they’re not carved in stone. Overcoming them is not a one-time event, it first requires desire to change the personal status quo, constant attention (e.g. the way we behave, physical body reactions and emotions, what and how we say, what we think but do not have the courage to say it outloud), perseverance and personal work.
I started this article by asking you about other people and not about yourself because it’s easier to recognize, to see in others the things that you yourself manifest. It’s called the mirror principle. In a nutshell, whatever is happening in your internal world is reflected in your external world.
Once you bring these negative beliefs into the light, you might be surprised to realize that they do not even belong to you. They came from your parents, family members, society or even close important friends. And you bought into it although they aren’t yours. Remember, no matter how much you think you are alike, you are not them! Repeating their experiences is neither useful nor mandatory.
“The child does not merely observe the world around him. He does not shut himself off from the strange, complicated world around him, but tastes it, touches it, hefts it, bends it, breaks it. To find out how reality works, he works on it.“
John Holt
You can change! You can change your life story, yet you need to do the personal work is required. And there are two things you can start doing after you have read this article.
Put yourself in the researcher’s shoes! To make myself clear, this means you do not analyze, just observe. Start paying attention to how you feel in uncomfortable situations. What triggers your emotional responses? Do you experience any physical sensations? What words or situations trigger these reactions? Do they happen often? Consider the thoughts you have that you don’t speak out loud.
By doing these two simple things will be become more aware of yourself. You will enjoy a lot more clarity about your own life events.
“You limit yourself by reducing the number of viewpoints you see.“
Meir Ezra
If you have a hard time with changing your perspective … Just imagine your sitting down on the grass in your back garden. Look around and you might notice that the earth is dry, the cherries on the tree are ready to be picked and there is a bird’s nest clinging to your roof drainpipe, and so on. Then go up to the attic and look out of the small, front-facing window. You might see a car parked in the driveway, the two willows guarding the gate on either side of it and, if you’re patient, your wife’s car approaching. But don’t rush to open the gate — she can do it herself! Now, let’s move on to the final two steps of this visualisation exercise. Go to the highest point of the roof. I bet you can also see the surrounding houses. Are they as nice as yours? Do you spot any crossroads or traffic jams? Now, the final step! Imagine flying over your city. Can you see how tiny your three-storey house and huge garden look now?
“You must unlearn what you have been programmed to believe since birth. That software no longer serves you if you want to live in a world where all things are possible.“
Jacqueline E. Purcell
Letting go of limiting beliefs and changing the stories you keep telling yourself are ways of regaining your confidence, self-worth, self-esteem, personal power and positive attitude. It’s time to stop limiting yourself. Take a step towards your better self!
So, why don’t you try doing something to change your personal status quo right now? Find your quiet place. Take a pen and piece of paper and do your best to identify for self-limiting beliefs. Do not put pressure on yourself, be gentle. Do not try to put it all down the paper in 10 minutes. You have been collecting these limiting beliefs for many years, so don’t expect to find everything at once. Take it one step at a time! Baby steps.
Next time I will share with you tips and tricks on how to overcome limiting beliefs.
Does it sounds familiar? Well, they are part of the limiting beliefs flock of thoughts …
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