Like any professional, I have done some reading on the theory of success and many times I found it closely connected with drivers such as passion, hard work, talent, and luck. On the other hand, I did have clear evidence in my life that success depends a lot on how we interact with others.<\/p>
The governing style \u2013 givers, takers and matchers<\/h2>
Everybody has a governing style of either giving, taking or matching, each one of them having its won specific particularities. Yet, the truth is we cannot act 100% and all the time as givers, takers or matchers. We adapt our behavior to suit specific people.\u00a0<\/em> It is part of our nature to respond to social pressure and to conform to what we believe is expected of us in a group situation. As Adam Grant says, even takers display a more generous behavior when in public circumstances. In addition, we are more likely to give to those who seem like us and brings convincing proof. To conclude, how much we give or take is shaped by who we interact with.<\/p> Givers are driven by the desire to help others and create meaningful success for those around them whether they may be colleagues, friends, relatives or the community they live in. \u00a0They often achieve the top positions in society because they focus on the greater good, not on the personal selfish wins.\u00a0\u00a0Claiming their personal credit for the work they do is not their main concern instead they rather inspire, collaborate, encourage and support, sometimes even putting themselves at the risk of burning out or exhaustion. They have an incredible talent of cultivating and using their networks to benefit others as\u00a0<\/em>well as themselves. Givers look for and see the potential in each person they meet, so they are champions of finding and nurturing talent.<\/p> There are many examples of great givers, but there are few examples that really touched me \u2014 George Meyer, (Emmy Award-winning writer for The Simpson), David Hornik (investor at August Capital, the author of VentureBlog, & the executive producer of The Lobby Conference), Adam Rifkin (Fortune\u2019s Magazine\u2019s 2011 best networker and co-founder 106 Miles network) or C. J. Skender (an award-winning accounting professor teaching at both rival universities, Duke and North Caroline), Stu Inman (basketball player and coach of Blazers) or Conrey Callahan (Teach for America Professor). \u00a0I shall not reveal more on the reasons why these stories touched a deep chord in my heart, but let you find on your own.<\/p> \u201cSuccessful givers are every bit as ambitious as takers and matchers. They simply have a different way of pursuing their goals.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote> \u201cBeing a giver is not good for a 100-yard dash, but it\u2019s valuable in a marathon.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote> \u201cthe worst performers and the best performers are givers; takers and matchers are more likely to land in the middle.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote> Takers\u00a0<\/strong>are self-centred and only focused on what benefits they can get from others. On the short run, they may get high up in the social or business hierarchy, but when persisting in such behavior they lose respect and damage their reputation. Their behavior is grounded in the personal belief that the world is a competitive place, therefore to be successful you must take whatever you want. To them helping others is fine as long the personal benefit of doing so outweighs the cost. \u00a0 Flattering influential people, frequently using words such as \u201cI\u201d<\/em> and \u201cmine\u201d<\/em> rather than \u201cwe\u201d<\/em> or \u201cours\u201d<\/em>, tendency to be domineering, using forceful language to persuade others are all characteristics by which you\u2019ll recognize a taker.<\/p> \u201cTakers have a knack for generating creative ideas and championing them in the face of opposition. Because they have supreme confidence in their own opinions, they feel free of the shackles of social approval that constrict the imaginations of many people.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote> According to Adam Grant, matchers are somewhere in between givers and takers, as they strive for equal, fair exchanges with others. You can recognize them for their tit-for-tat mentality. To them, the world is a playground where people exchange knowledge, skills and resources equally.\u00a0\u00a0When helping others, they expect reciprocation otherwise they will feel disgruntled.<\/p> \u201cWe become matchers, striving to preserve an equal balance of giving and getting. Matchers operate on the principle of fairness: when they help others, they protect themselves by seeking reciprocity. If you\u2019re a matcher, you believe in tit for tat, and your relationships\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote> Of course, Adam Grant\u2019s book is more than just about distinguishing between givers, takers and matchers. There are plenty of great ideas and advice and most probably every reader has its own favorites. Personally, \u00a0there are some ideas, in particular, I resonated well with or found fascinating, so here there are:<\/p> Here are a few of my favorite quotes from Adam Grant\u2019s book:<\/p> \u201cWhen we treat man as he is, we make him worse than he is; when we treat him as if he already were what he potentially could be, we make him what he should be.\u201d<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote> \u201cgiving has an energizing effect only if it\u2019s an enjoyable, meaningful choice rather than undertaken out of duty and obligation.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote> \u201cWhen people know how their work makes a difference, they feel energized to contribute more.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote> I had friends, colleagues and even people who entered my life for just brief moments, encouraging me for years to start writing about the things I experienced in my professional or personal life. I did know even then that others might find useful reading about these experiences. I even promised years ago to my former colleagues and friends at Grapefruit, that I would start writing. It did not happen. What I did not know then, but I do know, is that I needed some kind of push. And, that\u2019s something I\u00a0 strongly felt while reading Give and Take,\u00a0<\/em>so thank you\u00a0<\/em>Adam Grant!<\/p> For those of you who are curious to discover more about the book and Adam Grant’s ideas, here are few useful external links:<\/span><\/em><\/p> This article was initially published in July 2015 on Ana Maria Bogdan’s personal blog. What you have just finished reading is an updated version.\u00a0 \u00a0<\/em><\/span><\/p> Photo Credit: Photo by\u00a0Poranimm Athithawatthee<\/a>\u00a0from\u00a0Pexels<\/a><\/em><\/span><\/p><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div><\/div>Givers<\/h3>
Takers and matchers<\/h3>
Ideas\u00a0 I really loved \u2026<\/h2>
Favorite Quotes @“Give and Take” <\/em>by Adam Grant<\/h2>
An unexpected outcome \u2026<\/h2>
Online Resources – Adam Grant<\/span><\/em><\/h2>